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We say a lot in this group that the best way to teach is modeling. Here are some examples:

Modeling gratitude:

1- Thanking our children for everything we’d want them to thank us for.

2- Thanking our spouse every opportunity we get, “Baba/husband, thanks for taking us to a restaurant tonight.” “Mama/spouse thank you for cooking this yummy dinner!”

3- Saying aloud how we’re thankful for our blessings. “Sometimes I wish I had a bigger house but then I think of all the people who don’t even have a home or have a home but don’t have a family and I have both- alhamdulilah!”

Modeling regulating our emotions:

1- When we’re getting angry, “I’m about to get super mad.. I think I need a break.. I’ll be back when I feel calmer.” (Walk away)

2- When we say something unkind “Oops! Those weren’t very nice words.. let me try again...”

3- When we yell, “I need a pause. I’m going to take a few deep breaths.” (Check out the box breathing video linked below)

Modeling resilience:

1- Being vulnerable when we’re struggling. “I’m really nervous about my interview tomorrow.. I almost feel like giving up but I’m thinking so what if I don’t get the job... at least I tried my best!”

2- Being honest about our feelings, “It really hurt my feelings when that lady told me I’ve gained weight. I want to be healthy but it’s not helpful to hear someone say that. I’m telling myself that maybe she was having a bad day or maybe someone said unkind things to her. It’s probably not about me.”

3- Being real about our failures “My workshop didn’t go as well as I thought it would but I’m gonna work harder next time. I’m feeling sad but I’m telling myself failure doesn’t exist- only learning!”

4- Admitting our mistakes, “Oops I forgot to put salt in my rice today! Oh well- mistakes make my brain grow!”

Modeling Kindness:

1- Being gracious when they say no to something we asked them to do, “It’s ok, I can get myself water. You must be tired or not feeling like getting up. It happens.”

2- Not taking their words personally, “I don’t want to be spoken to that way but I understand that you’re really upset right now. Do you need a hug? Can I get you some water?”

3- Helping them without drama, “You look like you need help leaving the house.. I can find your shoes for you.”

Modeling sharing:

When they ask if they can eat from our plate, “Sure! I love sharing!”

Modeling saying ‘yes’ enthusiastically:

When they ask us something we are ok with. “You absolutely may have a cookie!”

“Sure I can help you tie your shoes!”

“Je bilkul!!” “Zaroor beti!” “Je 100%!”

Modeling saying ‘no’ respectfully:

“I love you and that’s a no.”

“Not at this time, beti...” (“Is waqt nahi beti”)

“I wish I could say ‘yes’ but it’s a no this time.” (“Mera dil chahta hai main hamesha ap ko haan boloon laikin abhi Mujhay no kehna par raha hai...”)

If you’re thinking all of this is so hard to do- imagine how much harder it is for our kids 😪

We can say a million words but kids only walk in our footsteps. They walk the path we lead them to. This doesn’t mean we drown in shame- this means we give ourselves AND our kids grace. We’re all just humans. Trying our best. 💗💗💗

Box breathing:

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Copyright 2020 Maryam Munir Parent Coach LLC. All Rights Reserved

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